Track 7: Get Set - Taxiride (My Journey Continues... )

hold on to what you know is gonna break

a rollercoaster ride inside your mind

is what you need to terrify you

get set, everybody

we're on our way to nowhere (Wild, 1999)

So how am I going? Have I answered this question along the way? Are there still questions about my roadtrip to Educare that haven't been answered?

I know I still have so much more to learn about my beliefs, my personal identity as a learner and as a teacher, what motivates me and what my future goals are to further my development... 


My best lesson plan so far is a Mathematics lesson about number patterns and even then I had to change my lesson mid-session to suit my students' abilities because the worksheets I had painstakingly put together just went over their heads. For this lesson, I managed to focus on Elements 1, 2, 3 and 4 of the Professional Teaching Standards (see annotations on lesson plan).  Feedback from my cooperating teacher also shows that I was able to demonstrate Element 5: by reinforcing my behavioural expectations throughout the whole lesson and using table group names to direct students from the floor to their desks (NSW Institute of Teachers, 2006). 


I still haven't pinpointed what particular behavioural discipline theory I strongly believe in and will uphold in my teaching practice because I have only been able to imitate what my cooperating teacher has modelled for me. I do, however, believe that the classroom is not a place for silence, rather it is a place where students should feel comfortable in discussing their learning experiences. 


I really like Dufficy's ideas about 'becoming' in classroom talk, how teachers should encourage a spirit of exploration in their curious students and to value classroom talk even if it means talking off topic at times. It is through this open, unrestricted dialogue that students can develop critical independent thinking but also instill in them deeper values about respect for others' opinions, taking courageous risks in putting forward uncommon ideas,  trusting others to listen, and nurturing academic resilience when they realise that uncertainty and making mistakes are part of learning in itself (Dufficy, 2005).



So where to next?
You may not believe me... but I'd like to continue mapping my roadtip to Educare. I really think I need to be more proactive and try my best at becoming more reflective about my experiences. I know it will not only benefit me as a learner but as a teacher too... so far it has really helped me to track where I've been, who I was, who I am becoming and where I want to be as a teacher. 


"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. " - T. S. Eliot 

Reference List

Dufficy P. (2005). Becoming' in classroom talk. Prospect 20(1) 59-81.

New South Wales Institute of Teachers. (2006). NSW Professional Teaching Standards. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from http://www.nswteachers.nsw.edu.au/IgnitionSuite/uploads/docs/Professional%20Teaching%20Standards.pdf

Wild, T. (1999). Get set. [Recorded by Taxiride]. On Imaginate. [Online video]. New York: Ocean way studios

Track 6: Make Yourself - Incubus (My Choice to Make Myself)

if you let them make you, they'll make you paper-mache
at a distance you're strong, until the wind comes
then you'll crumble and blow away

you should make amends with you
if only for better health
but if you really want to live
why not try and make yourself? (Boyd et al, 1999)

What did I need to do to break out of my monotonous modus operandi? How did I start to feel like my real self instead of an impostor? The impostor phenomenon rears its ugly head when individuals present idealised images in an attempt to meet the demands of their social
world resulting in an alienation from the self (Wilson, 2006). So I needed to stop depending on others' evaluation, accept and meet my own inner needs thus decreasing my tendency to present facades in order to win affirmations (Wilson, 2006). 

I needed to make myself. I no longer wanted to be motivated by fear. I wanted to learn for the sake of learning. 

My worst lesson during my professional experience was a PE lesson on "Running" with year 1 students. I was under-prepared with only a whistle and a piece of paper outlining the activities I needed to direct the students to do, along with the minutes allocated for each activity.

I tried my best to keep the students engaged by participating in the activities myself but one by one students started to drop like flies poisoned by insecticide, they just didn't want to participate in the games. I kept going with the lesson, teaching the few students who were still participating.


I focused so much on Element 5 of the standards (as evinced by my reminder about rules on the lesson sheet); worried that the students' behaviours would be difficult to manage because we were outside the classroom, that I didn't think about other more important elements, such as 2: differentiating my teaching strategies to suit individual students, 3: giving students timely oral feedback and 4: communicating effectively to all students (NSW, Institute of Teachers, 2006). 


So when I received my observation sheets from my cooperating teacher at the end of the lesson, I realised what I'd forgotten to do - to give feedback to students encouraging them to participate in the lesson.

I really do believe that feedback is one of the most powerful influences on student learning, and it can impact student learning in a negative or positive way.  For feedback to be effective, teachers need to consider the timing, approach and at what level to provide appropriate feedback (Hattie & Timperley, 2007). 
Teachers need to empathise with their students, address the three questions:
Where am I going? How am I going?  and Where to next? when providing feedback and develop ways for students to ask these self-regulating questions of themselves (Hattie & Timperley, 2007). 


So I guess this whole process of mapping my development as a teacher was a way for me to answer these three questions about myself, an effective approach in teaching the learner how to achieve self-regulating feedback.



So where to next?
As a teacher, I would never want my students to be motivated by fear, or to be always hungry for rewards. I would like to follow some of  Kohn's suggestions on how to respond to students when they do something impressive: to say a simple, evaluation-free statement or to ask the student questions about what they liked about their learning experience (Kohn, 2001). 

It will take a lot of practice and conscious mental effort to change the way I communicate to my students, but " the good news is that you don’t have to evaluate in order to encourage" (Kohn, 2001).

Reference List
Boyd, B., Einziger, M., Katunich, A., Kilmore, C., & Pasillas, J. (1999). Make yourself. [Recorded by Incubus]. On Make yourself. [Online video] New York: Epic records

Hattie, J., & Timperley, H. (2007). The power of feedback. Review of Educational Research. 77(1), 81-112

Kohn, A. (2001). Five reasons to stop saying "good job!". Young children. Retrieved November 3, 2010 from http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

New South Wales Institute of Teachers. (2006). NSW Professional Teaching Standards. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from http://www.nswteachers.nsw.edu.au/IgnitionSuite/uploads/docs/Professional%20Teaching%20Standards.pdf

 Wilson, C. (2006). An  explorationg of the impostor phenomenon in high-achieving professionals in recovery from chemical dependency. Retrieved November 3, 2010 from http://www.christinewilsoncounselling.com/articles/impostor_phemomemon.pdf

Track 5: Time is Running Out - Muse (My Modus Operandi )

you're something beautiful
a contradiction

I wanted freedom
bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out

you can't push it underground
you can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?  (Bellamy, 2003)

I thought, if I could prove to others that I can become a scientist, then I've won but this was not the case at all. I was stuck in a rut. I studied science by memorising facts and formulas, instead of learning constructively by mapping out concepts. I would cram for my exams and as soon as I finished sitting them and walked out of the exam room, I felt like the facts and formulas I'd spent so many nights rote learning had flown out of my brain. 


I felt like a fraud, everyone thought I was so smart but in truth, I didn't know how to make meaning by linking my studies to my life experiences. During one of our observation visits to a selective high school, I was introduced to the idea of high achieving students feeling like intellectual phonies. I was relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one who felt this way throughout my schooling years. As soon as I got home, I investigated further and found out that there are some psychological studies researching what is now known as the Impostor Phenomenon (Clance & Imes, 1978).


Now I must state that I'm not a psychiatrist, so I can't self-diagnose and proclaim that I suffer from this phenomenon. However, I can say that many times, like self-declared impostors, I have felt undeserving of the praise and academic rewards that I received during my studies. I have often felt anxious about underachieving, frustrated at my inability to achieve my self-imposed high standards and had a lack of self-confidence. Despite going through all this in high school, I still kept up the facade all the way up to my undergraduate degree.

The reward of finishing a medical science degree was beautiful but it was also a contradiction because  I knew I would be pursuing it to my detriment, I wasn't sure if I was really passionate about a career in science in the first place. 


I needed to break out from my failure avoidance routine and take more risks. I needed to challenge my core beliefs, my personal identity and values.
 
Reference List
Bellamy, M. (2003). Time is running out. [Recorded by Muse]. On Absolution. United Kingdom: East west records

Clance, P. R. & Imes, S. (1978). The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention. Psychotherapy Theory, Research and Practice, 15(3), 1-8. Retrieved November 3, 2010 from http://www.paulineroseclance.com/pdf/ip_high_achieving_women.pdf

Track 4: Overkill - Colin Hay (My Nightly Anxieties)

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know I'll be alright
It's just overkill (Hay, 2003)

I always had very high expectations of myself, I put so much pressure on myself to do well and achieve the highest results during school that I became very anxious during assessment periods, which resulted in me having a nervous breakdown during my 2nd year of University. 

First, let me paint a picture for you of how I was as a student. I was often at the top of my class in academic achievements, from a very young age I was often on the receiving end of countless medals and awards. My classmates all knew me as the smartie, but at the same time I made sure that I wasn't classed as a nerd by not paying attention in class and would sometimes annoy the teacher by making "witty" remarks. In short, I was a smart brat!

Here's a picture of me at 5 years old being awarded more medals than I could carry.

Here's another one of me in Year 12, where I received Achievement awards for all my subjects and a Pierre Teilhard de Chardin award for science.

In retrospect, I think although I might have looked proud and happy to receive those awards, it didn't help to motivate me in my studies.

Kohn explains in the following video the risks of rewards. He talks about how rewards cause people to lose interest in whatever they were rewarded for doing. This  is because motivation is not a characteristic that others possess to a lesser or greater degree. Instead, studying for the sake of learning (intrinsic motivation) is qualitatively different to studying for the sake of obtaining rewards (extrinsic motivation) (Kohn, 1994).

Now, I did get a lot of A's during my schooling years, I found my report card for Year 6 and remembered how I was awarded the Dux of the year and was encouraged by my teachers to enrol into a Selective High School. In year 6, we were asked to write where we saw ourselves in 10 years time and I remember writing that I would be a medical scientist working to find cures for diseases. Besides this childhood ambition to pursue a career in science, when asked to map our development as a teacher, I started wondering what it was that made me choose science for my electives in senior high and consequently, my undergraduate degree. 

I found some of my old report cards during my brief stint at a selective high school (I moved after year 10 because I couldn't handle the pressure and I felt like a fraud amongst a school of geniuses) and realised that even back then I was not particularly gifted in science, well at least my marks didn't show that it was my forte. 

 Year 7 and 8 Science reports

I compared these to my grades in Music and Visual Arts, and I was left to exclaim in puzzlement "Why the heck didn't I do Music or Art? Why did I choose Science?" I was achieving well above average in both Music and Visual Arts and I always did enjoy the classes, more so than I enjoyed learning about geology and astronomy in Science. 

Year 7 Visual Arts and Music reports

 

Year 8 Visual Arts and Music reports

So this leaves me with the question "What was my motivation?" 
If I was motivated by rewards, wouldn't I continue studying subjects that I received the highest marks for, instead of persevering in studying a subject that I had no particular penchant nor talent for? I remember sitting in Professor Andrew Martin's lecture last semester, hearing about how motivation is an individual's energy and drive to learn, work effectively and achieve, as well as the thoughts and behaviours that reflect this. He went on to show that one of the sections in the motivation and engagement wheel that corresponds to factors impeding cognition is: failure avoidance (Martin, 2010). Aha! DING DING DING!!! 

There it is again, as if displayed in neon signs: my fear of failure. I didn't want people to think that I couldn't live up to my own expectations of becoming a medical scientist. I didn't want to fail, so instead of choosing subjects that I was good at and enjoyed enormously, I chose to prove to others that I could do science. Maybe this was an extrinsic reward in itself. If I can prove to you that I can do it, then I've won...

Reference List
Hay, C. (2003). Overkill. On Men @ work. [Online video]. Nashville: Compass records
 
Kohn, A. (1994). The risk of rewards. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No ED376990 Retrieved November 2, 2010 from  http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/ror.htm

Martin, A.J. (2010). Motivation, academic resilience and interpersonal relationships. (Notes of lecture). 
  
  

Track 3: At Your Best - Sarah Blasko (My Fight Against Myself)

You're high above the world

I don't think so, if you're hangin' around me girl...

If only you were at your best

Instead of fighting yourself as well (Blasko & Cranny, 2004)

 I used to have a very different attitude to education. So many times in my life I've misunderstood learning to mean filling up one's mind with knowledge by reading, writing and repeated practising until it is imprinted in one's memory, in other words rote learning. This is how I used to study; I would compile all the subject matter and content, write it all down like a glossary of my own and read through these notes over and over before an exam. 

I studied with only a focus on the short term goals - of passing my exam; I studied because I had a fear of failure. I didn't think about how learning about the process of cell division, chemical reactions or electrical circuits could help me in life. Perhaps, I wasn't taught how to be a lifelong learner - to investigate my curiosities about how the world works through science.

Despite having never failed a subject throughout all my years of schooling, I must say that I haven't learned how to study properly. By this, I mean that I only know how to write mnemonics and notes to memorise before exams and that I'm still finding out how to study for the sake of constructing meaning from what I'm seeing, reading, writing, saying and doing.

So you want proof of my progression in my quest for lifelong learning? Well here's exhibit A: my old chemistry notes from high school; riddled with definitions, formulas and my own shorthand way of cramming it all in my short-term memory. To be honest, looking at it now, I don't really have a deep understanding of what I was trying to study and I can tell that I was bored out of my brains trying to learn about chemistry.

And here's exhibit B: my attempt at explaining the concepts of physical and chemical changes in my own words and why it is relevant to understanding the natural world, in order to plan a Primary Science unit of work. Learning how to teach science helped me to teach myself, to learn constructively by developing concepts instead of memorising facts and by making it more meaningful to me.

Skamp describes this well by stating that learning constructively means that new information is integrated into the student's existing mental structures in ways that are meaningful to them (ie. it is not written on a clean slate). Therefore, teachers need to develop programs that develop concepts rather than the learning of facts and provide opportunities for their students to 'learn how' rather than just ' learn that' (Skamp, 1998).   

So where to next?

I think majority of the elements in the quality teaching framework is based on the constructive theory of learning:
-The dimension of intellectual quality focused on intellectual work that is challenging and centred on significant concepts rather than memorisation of facts.
- The quality learning environment dimension refers to pedagogy that provides supportive learning environments for students including elements of student self-regulation and student direction.
-The significance dimension places emphasis on making connections; linking learning to prior knowledge, students' backgrounds and 'real world' contexts with an aim to make learning meaningful.  
So with this in mind, I will make sure that besides using the Professional Teaching Standards, I will also refer to the quality teaching framework to guide my lesson planning and further observations of teachers.  

Reference List

Blasko, S. E. & Cranny, R. F. (2004).  At your best.  On The overture & the underscore. [Online video] Hollywood: Wally Gagel

NSW Department of Education and Training. (2003). Quality teaching in NSW public schools. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/proflearn/docs/pdf/qt_EPSColor.pdf

New South Wales Institute of Teachers. (2006). NSW Professional Teaching Standards. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from http://www.nswteachers.nsw.edu.au/IgnitionSuite/uploads/docs/Professional%20Teaching%20Standards.pdf

Skamp, K. (2008). Teaching primary science constructively (3rd). South Melbourne: Thomson.

Track 2: Treehugger by Antsy Pantsy and Kimya Dawson (My Need to Be Me)

The flower said "I wish I was a tree"

The tree said "I wish I could be a different kind of tree"

The cat wished that it was a bee (Dawson, 2006)

When I was younger I wanted to be a ballerina because I loved to dance or a nun because I loved to sing, plus one of all time favourite films was Sound of Music and I think Julie Andrews is the shizzle.


When faced with the question "Who am I?" I immediately recoil and want to reply with "Who do YOU think I am?" or "Do YOU know who you are?" It's not that I'm trying to be obstinate or evasive, I really don't think anyone can answer this question sufficiently because there will always be gaps that we can't express ourselves. I know who I am, but I find it difficult to express to others who I am. 

 
So I'll cheat a little bit here and say that I am a chameleon. I'm constantly changing and growing in and out of phases in life. It's not to say that I'm two-faced or anything, rather it means that I tend to adapt to my environment and act according to the specific context.

I do believe it is of utmost importance to have a firm grasp of one's identity in order to educate others. Palmer describes it well in his article: what we teach will never "take" unless it connects with the living core of our students' lives, their inward teachers and we can only make this connection when we can communicate with the teacher within ourselves (Palmer, 1997).

This idea of connecting students' learning with their living is very much related to the significance domain of the quality teaching framework: students need to find out why and to understand that their learning matters. Teachers need to make clear connections in their lesson planning with the significance elements: background knowledge, cultural knowledge, knowledge integration, inclusivity, connectedness and narrative (NSW DET, 2003). 


For an HSIE assignment, I (along with my group) have been able to plan a learning sequence with a particular focus on the significance domain of quality teaching framework.  The activities in the learning sequence aim to make connections between students' learning and their life experiences. 

So back to my original question: Who am I? As a teacher, I hope not only to explain to my students  the hows and the whys of their learning; making links to the significance of their work in class, I also hope to cover the other domains of quality teaching: intellectual quality and providing a quality learning environment. I'd like to say that I am a caring and empathetic teacher -if I can't see a purpose or be engaged in a particular activity then I know my students won't be engaged and won't consider it significant either. I also know that as a teacher, I will struggle to work through my emotions. For example, if I've had a rough day it will show through my teaching, my students will know if I'm not my usual cheery self.

In saying this, I don't pretend to have it all figured out. I know that there will be many hurdles ahead, that my sense of self will constantly be re-shaped and constructed. Learning to teach is not just about progressing from a novice to an expert teacher, but how self is remade in context, working by, on and through our emotions (Bullough et al, 2002). 

So where to next?
I need to make sure that when I teach, I don't imitate others... despite my mother being my role model, my teaching strategies are very different from hers. I've decided to observe her as she teaches Senior High School Chemistry classes (before term 4 ends) to get a better sense of how her approach to teaching works and to gain a deeper understanding of how she puts her theoretical beliefs into practice. 

Reference List

Bullough, R.V. & Young, J. (2002). Learning to teach as an intern: the emotions and the self. Teacher development 6(3).  Retrieved November 1, 2010 from http://pdfserve.informaworld.com.ezproxy2.library.usyd.edu.au/335556_751320080_739079845.pdf

Dawson, K. (2006). Tree hugger. [Recorded by Antsy Pantsy]. On Antsy pantsy. [Online video]. Illinois: Plan It X Records

NSW Department of Education and Training. (2003). Quality teaching in NSW public schools. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from https://www.det.nsw.edu.au/proflearn/docs/pdf/qt_EPSColor.pdf

Palmer, P.J. (1997).  The heart of a teacher: Identity and integrity in teaching. Retrieved November 1, 2010 from http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/character/palmer.htm